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Synopsis: A low libido can cause people and their partners a fair amount of stress. Putting libido into perspective in the larger picture of living life and taking some steps to reduce stress and change things for the better is a great place to start. This article explains 15 natural ways to improve libido that can be considered in enhancing libido.
BY LEN LANTZ, MD, author of unJoy / 3.7.20; No. 15 / 5 min read
Disclaimer: Yes, I am a physician, but I’m not your doctor and this article does not create a doctor-patient relationship. This article is for educational purposes and should not be seen as medical advice. You should consult with your physician before you rely on this information. This post also contains affiliate links. Please click this LINK for the full disclaimer.
Libido in the context of relationship
Most people who are reading this article have a libido (sex drive) that they believe is too low and/or has a partner with a similar issue. It’s important to understand that there is a wide range of normal libido. If you find your libido is too low, this is likely because it is too low relative to your own expectations or those of your partner. At the end of the day, people will be happier if they can accept that libido can change for people over time or due to medication side effects and that loving partners can have very different libidos.
I believe that truly good sex requires relationship, connectedness and love. Sex without these features is empty. If you or your partner is dissatisfied with your current sex life, improving libido might require working on your relationship, connectedness and love.
Can’t I just take a pill to fix my libido?
While I promise to write a follow-up article discussing medical interventions for low libido and sexual dysfunction, there is a big issue that comes with pills: pills do not create, sustain or repair relationships. Medication will not ensure that you and your partner are planning regularly – at least once a week – for romance. Hollywood movies give us the wrong impression that all sex is spontaneous and mind-blowing. The reality is that satisfying sex is far more likely to happen if you plan a romantic evening in advance. One of the best strategies I share with people is that vigorous exercise or a hot yoga class prior to an evening of romance enhances libido and sexual functioning. Thinking positively about your partner with gratitude and meditating on having a pleasurable evening to connect and have fun with them is much more powerful than any pill will ever be.
What controls sexual desire?
There are natural factors that both increase and decrease libido. Doing more things that increase libido and removing factors that lower libido can correct things naturally. The Sexual Tipping Point model (Perelman, 2016) balances a number of factors (psychological, past experiences, relational, physical and cultural) that influence how a person’s sexual desire could be “turned on” or “turned off.” While this model can be helpful for clinicians and researchers, it is unlikely to help the average person, so I’ve combed the research to provide you a list of natural ways for improving libido.
15 natural ways shown by research to boost sexual desire
Discover and correct medical conditions and medications that lower libido. There are 100+ medications (most notably, common antidepressants) that can decrease libido. Common medical conditions contributing to low libido are obesity, diabetes and hypothyroidism (Veronelli, et al. 2009).
Modify your diet. Eat more chocolate, ladies (Sanolia, et al. 2006). You’re welcome. A low-calorie diet that induced weight loss in men rapidly improved sexual desire (Khoo, et al. 2010). Sorry, guys.
Get good sleep. Longer sleep duration in women correlates with greater next-day libido (Kalmbach, et al. 2015). Sleep deprivation in men lowers testosterone (Arnal, et al. 2016). The effect of recovery or weekend 'catch-up' sleep increased testosterone in men (Killick, et al. 2015).
Manage your anxiety. There is objective evidence that anxiety lowers sexual desire in women (Bradford, et al. 2006). Research also shows that anxiety decreases sexual functioning in men (Deziel, et al. 2018).
Deal with your depression. Depression can decrease libido in men and women (Manohar, et al. 2017).
Consider acupuncture. Acupuncture improved libido for men and women who had sexual dysfunction from SSRI antidepressant medication (Khamba, et al. 2013).
Consume alcohol in moderation. Alcohol dependence lowers libido in men (Vijayasenan, 1981). An Italian study showed that red wine in moderation improved libido in women (Mondaini, et al. 2009).
Deal with menopause. There is an age-related decline in dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) which is particularly evident in menopause. Libido increased in menopausal women briefly after taking DHEA (Hackbert, et al. 2004). Lubrication, which affects libido and is often significantly reduced in menopause, is one factor that is easily and naturally corrected (Gonzalez, et al. 2006).
Be strategic around ovulation. It is thought that women have cyclic fluctuation in libido which is increased in the first half of the menstrual cycle, lasting until shortly after ovulation (Wilcox, et al. 2004).
Recognize when your season of life is not coinciding well with your partner. Breastfeeding may lower libido in some women (Kayner, et al. 1983). Partners can follow strategies for managing differences in their libidos (Herbenick, et al. 2014).
Exercise, but not excessively. For women on antidepressants, exercise prior to sex can improve sexual functioning (Lorenz, et al. 2012). Excessive exercise in men reduces libido (Hackney, et al. 2017).
Daydream about sex. Sexual daydreaming correlates with sexual drive (Purifoy, et al. 1992)
Get Sex Therapy or other psychotherapy. Mindfulness-based exercises lowered anxiety and improved libido in men (Deziel, et al. 2018). Partners who were more similar in the ‘differentiation of self’ had better libido than those who were dissimilar (Ferreira, et al. 2016). Address body image concerns (Koch, et al. 2005).
Spend more time with and supporting your partner. Women experience higher libido when they feel supported by and emotionally close to their partner (Dewitte, et al. 2018). Self-expanding (novel) activities with your partner increase sexual desire for men and women (Muise, et al. 2019).
Read about sex. Bibliotherapy using the book A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship, by Laurie Mintz, has been found in several studies to be effective in increasing libido in women (Palaniappan, et al. 2018).
Click HERE for a downloadable pdf of the above Natural Ways to Increase Libido.
Having some margin in life can make a big difference
Consider anxiety or stress for a second. Anxiety is probably the number one killer of libido. If you have chronically low libido, it could be a signal that your life is out of balance. Being stressed out due to having little free time, working long hours, being sleep deprived, and worrying about finances all have the effect of decreasing libido. An effective antidote for this is adding margin back into your life by giving yourself time to relax, investing in your relationships and finding ways to decrease your stress over your finances. There is a great book by Dr. Richard Swenson called Margin that addresses the power and freedom of living a less hectic life so that it feels more meaningful and you are better able to live out your personal values.
Imagine not thinking or caring about libido because it is at your normal level
If you are willing to make changes in your life to enhance a low libido, there will be benefits in addition to improved sex. Think about having less stress and more time with someone you care about. Imagine eating healthy, exercising and taking care of your body. Wouldn’t it be great to have an entire day to look forward to an evening of pleasure and romance? Taking care of yourself now can help your mood, stress level, relationships and libido. If antidepressants are killing your sex life, some of the changes you can make now to improve your sexual functioning might also improve your mood and anxiety and just possibly allow you to reduce or eliminate medication. Planning ahead and taking some simple, natural steps may be all that you need to get your libido to the level you desire.
For further reading, check out:
Margin by Dr. Swenson (See Len’s Book Review)
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. Gottman (See Len’s Book Review)
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